Feedback to Learner10/15/20 11:34 PM
The main idea of your essay that external pressures have an impact on family isn’t a strong enough idea to provide in depth analysis of the stories and connections across them, so, you write about each reading rather superficially. The language you use is clear but doesn’t have feeling or a sense of your own analysis. It reads more like a list of each reading and some discussion of their situation but nothing which pulls the stories together in an interesting and compelling way. One suggestion I have is to maybe focus on how the author’s end up responding and coping to the problems they face. Your introduction and conclusion also lacks the answer to the question “so what?” In other words, why is what you’re writing about important? What does the reader gain in understanding from reading your essay? These suggestions might help you develop a more interesting, complex and meaningful analysis. Please revise and resubmit. Try to reach out to the tutor again as well.
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